There is nowhere in the world where the grass is greener than it is here.
And it can’t help but make you think about the phrase that we throw around so casually, and so often. So the other day I actually asked myself, is the grass greener somewhere else? Is life on the farm life at its best?
Which in turn begs the question, am I a city mouse or a country mouse?
I can’t deny that life is amazing here. And I’ve fallen in love… with Peaches the cow.
Last weekend I went to the big city (aka Dublin) and was overwhelmed. Lots of buildings, lots of people, lots of things to buy that we really don’t need. And I will be forever grateful for the experience of living for all these months with just what I need, nothing more, nothing less. It’s amazing to now truly understand where food comes from, how to grow it, how to pick it, how to take care of it, and how to cook with it. Such a novelty today that was once everyone’s daily life. But the weekend away also make me homesick — for what exactly, I’m not sure I could put my finger on. More of a general feeling that deep down I am a city mouse, who thrives on culture and art and music and lots of people. Who loves beautiful bakeries and boutiques, modern museums and dive music bars, live theater and bustling restaurants and fast transportation and city parks that stretch for miles. But that all begs the big question of which city will be mine?
For the first time in a long time, I found myself missing San Francisco. I’m sure many of my SF friends will be SHOCKED to hear me say that, and quite honestly, I am as well. But last night when I met with the head of the school, Darina, about my future, she asked me, “Are you going back to San Francisco after this?” And without even a slight pause, she followed up by saying, “Well, of course you are, who wouldn’t?!” And, she was right. Instead of waxing poetic about the sunshine and strawberries and wine and rolling hills, I’ll say that this time away has helped me realize how much it has to offer. And that was definitely one of the reasons I knew I needed to leave it for awhile, to get perspective. To decide if I could go back there if I didn’t have to go back to a job that I hated (and as sad as it makes me to say that, in the end it truly became a job that I hated). And I left it to explore my deepest passion, to see if there really is a “there there” as they say. As scary as it is for me to say it, I think there might be.
I cried today in the school reception area because I had missed almost a full week of cooking due to a nasty sinus infection that has now decided to spread to my eyes (this dracula look has to go). And of course Darina walked in right in the middle of my meltdown, as would be my luck. But she said so cheerfully and reassuringly, “Hey! A student who is crying for missing class! Now that’s a first!” And once again, she was right. There must be something driving me forward if I could be brought to tears over the fact that I wouldn’t be able to cook a vegetable curry with coconut rice this morning. Nevertheless, I got myself together and to the doctor (the one and only doctor — it was all a bit Doc Hollywood, I must say) and am finally on the mend.
So maybe it’s not a question of city mouse vs. country mouse but rather old life vs. new life. And at the end of the day, water makes me happier than most things and there is a beautiful ocean over here — and back home. Although I may have to get on the hunt for some cows, though…